I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago, drawing, and a really loud crack of thunder went off–no power surges or anything, just thunder–and my roomba fled from its dock and started spinning in circles
I currently now have an active roomba sitting quietly on my lap
i have a fake son.
his name is Tim and he is working on his M.S. in astrophysics at Berkeley.
he is devestatingly handsome and enjoys rock climbing and volunteers as a counselor at the local YMCA there in Berkeley, California.
i am so proud of my fake son. i have raised him up in my own head to be such an outstanding member of society.
“Tim” is only brought up when asked about by one particular woman at work that i only see on occasion. i don’t make a habit or game of lying to people, but with her, it kinda came about as follows:
Faye is one of those people who has been there/done that and will hang herself on the cross while she tells you how much worse the experience was for her. i’ve seen this woman Kanye West an 8-month pregnant girl at said girl’s own baby shower to glorify the gift she gave her as well as go into how horrible her labor was with her own children. Faye also is a braggart. her car/purse/house/ring/shoes/etc. all cost more than whatever yours did and her children are all angels.
i was forced to work with Faye for 2 days about 5 years ago. she called me Emily a few times before i finally told her my name is Amy, not Emily. she gave me a sideways glance and said, “I like Emily better”, and since then, she has always called me Emily. i let this go because to get angry with her and tell her off is to see her become dramatic and begin crying and insist she did not mean anything by it while not issuing anything close to an apology. Faye is always right, too, you know.
anyway, when she shut up long enough about herself and her fabulous offspring on the second day, she asked, “Do you have any children, Emily?”
i replied that i do not. she then launched into her daughter taking fertility drugs so that she could give her mother grandchildren someday.
that was the only question she asked me until i saw her about a year later.
“Oh, HI, Emily! How are you?!”
“Hi, Faye…how are you?”
“Wonderful, wonderful. Stephen just graduated from UT. He’s going to be the best doctor ever! How is your son, uh, Tim?”
it took me a second. Tim? son? what the hell is she talking about?!
it dawned on me what a complete narcissist she truly is. she hadn’t heard me the day she asked if i had children, because she didn’t care. she didn’t care enough to call me by my real name, so it wasn’t much of a surprise.
i couldn’t stop myself. i briefly thought about correcting her, but i decided to just go with it.
“Tim is doing so well. He was just accepted to Berkeley after his amazing thesis on planetary nebuli. We are so proud of him.”
her eyes grew big. “Oh, how nice! But, Berkeley? That’s so far from home. UT is an excellent school; surely he could’ve been accepted there?…”
i gave a small chuckle. “Oh, well, they wanted him for sure, Faye. I mean, all the letters he received, practically BEGGING him to study there. But, well, they just don’t have a sufficient astronomy department. UT is a fine school, but not for the subject that Tim is going into. Astrophysics is not something you can study just anywhere, you know.”
her eyes narrowed. “Medicine is what these young people should be going into. Astrophysics? What is that, anyway? How will it contribute to the world?”
“Gosh, I don’t really know how to explain astrophysics, Faye. It’s so mind blowing for simple minds like mine and yours. But searching for things in space that could potentially help our planet is a pretty big deal, I think.”
Faye promptly excused herself. i knew i had gotten her.
i’ve bumped into her on and off throughout the past 5 years and she always told me how her angels were saving the world, especially Stephen, and then she’d ask about Tim. and i made sure my Tim was one step above her Stephen. her face would turn crimson and she would have to abruptly leave.
i saw her as i was leaving work yesterday and she stopped me to wish me a happy Easter.
“Stephen is coming home this holiday. He’s bringing his fiance. She’s a doctor too, you know. How is Tim? Don’t tell me he’s still not graduated?…”
“Oh, Faye, don’t be silly! Astrophysics takes YEARS to graduate from. It’s not as simple as medicine. But, yes, he is close to graduating.”
“Is he coming home for Easter? I can’t imagine spending holidays without my children; how dreadful! Oh, but he’s all the way in California…it costs so much to fly here, I assume.”
I grinned. “Yes, it does. But he’s such a sweetheart, he’s flying me out there this year! Taking a break from his studies and humanitarian efforts to have his dear ol’ Mom around for Easter. I’m so lucky!”
“…yes, well, have a nice time, Emily. Happy Easter!”
“You too, Kay! Oh, I mean Faye!”
you know, like i said before, i don’t like to lie. it does seem very silly to have let this go on for so long. Tim has been a fabrication in the making for over 5 years now, he almost feels real to me.
when i see Faye, i have images of my fake son, looking so handsome in his lab coat as he’s peering into a microscope looking at dust particles from a comet. i see him jogging with his dog on the beach. i see him hiking and biking and climbing. i see him helping an elderly woman with her groceries.
it’s a true testament that if you lie, or let a lie go on for a while, it becomes a solid thing that you have to keep up with.
oddly enough, i don’t lose sleep on this lie. i don’t see her often enough to fib about this on a daily or consistent level. Faye never cared anything about me or my life until she had something to try to one-up me on. SHE is the one losing sleep on account of her Stephen not succeeding quite like my Tim. it’s amazing how this lie has eaten her alive and made me feel proud of something that doesn’t even exist…
eh well.
i’ll be boarding the fake plane to Berkeley this afternoon, to celebrate Easter with my fake son.
Mama’s soooo proud of you, Timmy!
Acting is something I came upon and I really, really, really love now. I want to be as best as I can at it and, I also want to be the best person I can be, I think those two correlate. I’ve always really believed that in acting, you progress as you progress as a person so that comes first. You grow as an actor if you grow as a person, If you’re not growing as a human being then I don’t see how you can progress as an actor. So constantly be better as a person. I’m not perfect at all, and I will never be. I also don’t think I’ll be a perfect actor I just think they’re very similar. My dreams in life that I want [..] to just be good. (♥)
Happy 26th Birthday, Dylan O’Brien! (Born 26, August 1991).
when I try to hear this in my head my mental voice is incapable of pronouncing it fast enough to fit the timing of the line
“noooo oooone… adjksjfksfjslenry like Gaston!”
and when I try to fit it to one of the longer such lines, my mental voice becomes too confused about conflicting scansion to continue
no one’s droll like gaston no one’s swole like gaston no one fits his assigned gender role like gaston
I’m especially fond of the paaaatriaaarchy
My what a guy that gastooon
Bless you for making it scan
NOW I CAN’T READ IT WITHOUT SINGING IN MY HEAD
No one’s droll like Gaston, No one’s swole like Gaston, No one fits his assigned gender role like Gaston! For there’s no one online half as phony, His tinder’s got dick pics to spare, You can ask any neckbeard or brony They’ll show you (no homo) whose trilby they’d wear! No one drawls like Gaston Or catcalls like Gaston, Or manspreads on the train in a sprawl like Gaston! I’m especially fond of the paaaatriaaarchy! My what a guy that Gastooon!
Seriously, why did they take this scene from the final cut? It is so very important! And not only to explain why Steve lacked the cowl in the end of the movie, but because this tiny moment is extremely important to Steve’s development as a character. He came to be seen as a fascist, as exactly that which he fought to destroy. Captain America, who sought to fight bullies his whole life, is now seen as one. Imagine the impact that had on his head. The meaning of his actions after he saw this. Steve began to give up the Captain America identity right here. This is why in Civil War he has no problems giving up the shield. He and Captain America have long been drifting apart. In fact, they were never one to begin with:
Steve went through his whole life trying to show people he wasn’t what they thought of him. Becoming Captain America was one way to do it, and giving this identity up is another one.
Steve isn’t unaware of the symbolism Captain America entails. For good and for bad. In The First Avenger he uses the symbol in his favour, transforming it. In The Winter Soldier he owns the symbol he became, working in favour of the greater good through his public image. However, in Civil War he has to give the symbol up, for it has come to represent something he is not.
When Tony tells him he doesn’t deserve the shield, Steve is tired of having to “prove” that his actions are those of Captain America. People put Captain America in a box that doesn’t fit Steve Rogers. Tony tells him he is not worthy of being Captain America, of carrying the shield his father made, as if he had betrayed what Howard Stark worked for, as if somehow Howard was responsible for the making of Captain America, and Steve became unworthy to be part of Howard’s legacy. This is just one way people created a general idea about who Captain America is, forgetting the man behind the shield.
Steve will be that which he has to be. That which he feels in his heart and head to be his duty, the right thing. He became Captain America for that reason, and for that same reason he threw cowl and shield aside.
pro tip “he freed his erection” is the most useful phrase in any smut writer’s arsenal because it means never having to figure out a dude’s pants situation. how did he do it? were there zippers? buttons? some kind of bizarre lacing situation? maybe he cut off his pants with scissors. maybe it was a wizard. maybe it busted out like the hulk busts out of his shirts. no one knows. no one cares. his dick is out now and that is all that matters. thank you helpful dick wizard.
Why is Vin Diesel looking down? Is he worried he’s gonna forget his line?
Vin Diesel asked the director his inspiration for every line he did and did multiple takes until he was satisfied. He also recorded the line over 1,000 times and also recorded his lines in Mandarin, Portuguese, French, and Spanish so they could use his real voice in those versions. He’s looking at his lines because Vin Diesel is a dedicated motherfucking professional.
And then he showed up at the LA premiere like this:
Stilts, people!
Vin Diesel is so fantastic every time I hear people mock him I just want to be like “excuse you, do you know of any other multi-racial actor in Hollywood who’s fronted a blockbuster franchise featuring an unashamedly multi-cultural cast full of primarily non-white actors, and who has done it unapologetically over and over again for *seven* installments? NO, YOU DON’T, SIT THE FUCK DOWN.”
<3 <3 <3
Vin Diesel makes goofy movies like The Pacifier so he can keep making Riddick movies. He even went so far as to found Tigon Studios to make sure the Riddick video game was good (it was awesome).
I love Vin Diesel!
In high school and college, when Vin Diesel really rose to box office prominence, I used to hate Vin Diesel because he seemed like the kind of dumb macho guy that A. made fun of me a lot and B., well, A’s enough, isn’t it?
And then he went on “The Tonight Show” and talked in depth about his high school life as a hardcore D&D player. So. I’m on board with Vin Diesel now. And also, like, don’t judge people by how they look.
i don’t even care about the gifs. reblogging for the comments and cause Vin is my boy.
These are the things that I am a fan of, with a few original thoughts & ideas thrown in.
